Want You Bad
by littleboygenius
Summary: Yaoi. The only thing Daisuke's ever wanted is Ken, but somehow Ken doesn't want him back. Very dark, extremely angsty. This one's not for kids.


Firstly: If you came here to read a nice story I'd be hitting your back button psychotically right now. Secondly: If you feel like angst you've come to the right place. And thirdly: If you're a juvenile I'd strongly advise you to be hitting the back button right about now too.  
  
This story contains yaoi! If you can't take that go away, I don't want to talk to you. This isn't one of those nice little het stories with a happy ending. Oh, just as another warning there's also implied yuri. Again, if you don't like it you'll just have to deal.  
  
I'd love feedback, whoever you are. Even if it is to tell me how much I "sUcKerZZ!1!!".   
  
How about a little bribe? You read my story I'll read one of yours .. good deal, yes?  
  
Alright, I'll stop bribing my readers and allow you to read - though I suppose some of you have already skipped ahead.  
  
Digimon isn't mine either: though if it were a heap of things would be changed and it would most definitely be corrupting the masses. Fear me, honestly.  
  
++  
  
Motomiya Daisuke stubbed his cigarette out on the curb he was sitting on and flicked the remains onto the busy street.   
  
"Screw him," he uttered seemingly to himself, but on closer inspection a hand recorder could be seen hiding in the sleeve of his jacket. He looked up from where he was sitting on the edge of the street,   
  
"Screw him all the way to fucking hell, and then some. If only he would get the fuck out of my head."  
  
He stood, returning the electronic device into a pocket and turning so quickly that his full-length jacket billowed out on the evening breeze.  
  
People eyed him suspiciously as he walked down the busy sidewalk, hands in pockets and eyes kept low, his face imprinted with a permanent scowl. They didn't seem to appreciate his tattered appearance, the stubble on his face, the way his hair was getting far too long and the dirtiness his skin held these days. He kicked angrily at a stray stone on the cement, watching in awe as it sailed upwards to hit the back of someone's head. Even now, all these years later, he could have played soccer professionally.  
  
"You'd never be as good as he was though," he said, back into the recorder.  
  
Sick of people looking at him and sneering in disgust, he drew his lip upwards to show how he detested their stupidity. He decided to stop wandering the streets and go home instead to drink himself into a pathetic stupor while watching old home movies.  
  
This was all his life was.  
  
Stopping outside an expensive looking doorway in the middle of town, Daisuke fished around in his pocket before finally pulling out his keys, a blue haired figurine serving as a key chain. Fingering this softly he shoved the right key into the keyhole, pushing the door open to be hit immediately with a wall of air tasting bitterly of alcohol. Squinting he could distinguish a flashing red light in the darkness, telling him he had messages waiting to be heard.  
  
He kicked his way through the mess to press the play button, arms folded.  
  
"You have two messages," the machine said, "First Message."  
  
"Hey, Daisuke?" It was him. Ken. The only person who ever seemed to leave messages on his machine, "Where are you? I know this is your number, Miyako got it from Hikari and we all know how often she catches up with you. It's not any of my business, but I'm concerned. Miyako told me you're not doing so well. Why haven't you answered any of my calls? I'm sorry Daisuke, I never..."  
  
Daisuke hit the skip button aggressively.  
  
"Second message."  
  
"Daisuke, it's Hikari. I was talking with Miyako over the weekend. She told me some stuff Dai, I really think you ought to hear it. Ring me when you're available," There was a brief pause, "Yamato and Sora are fighting again. Apparently Taichi's got in between them and Sora got so jealous that she ran to Mimi. Nobody's heard from either of them for a few days now. I don't know why they don't admit the truth. It's not like..."  
  
"Message erased."  
  
Daisuke hit a button on his personal recorder and brought it closer to his face, "Call Hikari."  
  
He felt around for a light switch, eventually finding one and flicking it on. The walls were a brilliant oriental red and the floorboards were remarkably well kept considering the state of the place. Videotapes lined the tables, clothes and empty glasses could be seen scattered throughout the living area and around the pricey artworks on the walls were photos. Hundreds of them. Everywhere. On closer inspection it could be seen that they were of one person in particular. Ichijouji Ken. In all of his unknown glory. Daisuke stood in front of them, allowing his eyes to wander over the frozen emotions on Ken's face as he carried out his daily routines. Daisuke knew everything about his life. He knew the highs and the lows, the good and the bad. The majority of his days were spent watching him, studying his movements, lusting after him. Though all of his effort was useless, Ken was under the impression that he was in love with Miyako Inoue, who he'd married in the Spring of last year. Daisuke hadn't attended, instead he choose to get hopelessly drunk with Hikari from afar. She'd been bitter because of a short fling she'd had with Miyako in High School. He supposed it was similar to his feelings. Now, only a year later he was the same as he'd been since graduation. Except now he had more time to devote to Ken. His noodle cart business had skyrocketed in recent months and was doing so well that he didn't even have to attend the office most days. Despite his recent successes he was still as depressed as he had been for several months.  
  
Five years earlier Daisuke had been happy. He was about to graduate from high school, had his noodle cart business ready to start - the financial funding being provided by his parents on the condition that they never had to see their failed son again - and he was in love with the most beautiful person he'd ever met. He was still in love with him, all these years later. Hopelessly. If Ken walked up to Daisuke tomorrow he'd take him back in an instant. Though Daisuke was sensible enough to know that wasn't going to happen. Something had happened back in senior high. Daisuke didn't know what, but after the graduation assembly, where Ken had been declared Dux, he 'd ran up to his open arms and kissed him before whispering in his ear,  
  
"We're done,"  
  
And then Daisuke had watched him walk away without any other indication.  
  
Daisuke rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, surprised to find them moist. He had to call Hikari and find out what she wanted, he supposed. He picked up the phone and pressed a few buttons.   
  
"Hello," A timid voice answered.   
  
"Hi, Hikari, It's me."  
  
"Oh, Daisuke. How are you? I suppose you got my message?"  
  
"Yeah I did, can you come over tomorrow afternoon?"  
  
There was a brief pause on the other end of the line.  
  
"Sure, that's fine." She paused again, taking a deep breath, "Prepare yourself Daisuke. It's not nice what I have to say."  
  
Daisuke massaged his temple with one hand, "Okay, see you Hikari."  
  
He hung up before she could reply.  
  
As he usually did, he took out a different tape and fitted it in his hand recorder. He flicked back through the messages on his machine and replayed Ken's, pressing record.   
  
""Hey, Daisuke? Where are you? I know this is your number, Miyako got it from Hikari and we all know how often she catches up with you. It's not any of my business, but I'm concerned. Miyako told me you're not doing so well. Why haven't you answered any of my calls? I'm sorry Daisuke, I never meant to make you into this. I know it's my fault and I know I'm the guilty one, but I think if you'd just meet me one day we could work through what happened. What do you think? Look, I have to go now, you know my home number if you ever want to contact me. Take care of yourself Daisuke. Bye."  
  
Daisuke sat in a crumpled heap on the floor. He pressed stop and put the tape in a pile of others in the corner. Clumsily he took the phone of its hook and pressed in some numbers.   
  
"Hello, Ichijouji residence," A mans voice answered the phone.  
  
Daisuke quivered at the sound of the voice, whimpering softly.  
  
"Look you psycho, I want you to stop calling me!"  
  
The line went dead.  
  
Daisuke pulled himself to a low table where numerous bottles of alcohol sat, half empty. He took one of them and got up to put a video without a label into the player. He turned it on and took out a cigarette. The screen was blank for a while, but suddenly it burst into colour. It was a home movie, taken on a holiday Daisuke and Ken had gone on in their senior year. Daisuke didn't pay too much attention to the pictures as he lay on his back, staring at the roof and smoking his cigarette.  
  
"I love you," Ken's younger voice echoed throughout the living room.   
  
"I love you too," Daisuke murmured to himself in reply.  
  
Daisuke opened his eyes slowly looking around him, unsure of where he was. As his eyes focused he realised he was lying on his couch. Two empty bottles lay on the floor, one having spilt all over the rug, and the television was showing nothing but snow, the video probably having stopped hours ago. Daisuke sat up looking at his watch to see that it was late afternoon.  
  
"Shit," He swore. He was meaning to do things today, productive things. It happened like this every day. It would happen again tomorrow.  
  
He stood hesitantly, his head felt like lead, though that was nothing unusual. He stripped off his coat and threw it where he'd been laying, followed by his shirt and then his pants. Stumbling, he found his way to the shower and turned the taps a few times. He stood underneath the warm spray and closed his eyes. Slowly he found his mind wandering. Ken was with him.  
  
Ken was saying how much happier Daisuke made him. Ken was sliding up behind him and running his hands down his sides. Ken was biting his ear. Ken's hands were moving lower and lower. Ken's body was rubbing against his and Daisuke could feel it. He could feel everything. His skin was tingling with arousal and Ken's own was sticking into his back. Ken's tongue was on his neck. His breath was warm. Ken was holding him. Ken was getting him off and Daisuke was moaning. One of Ken's hands was finding its way to his nipple and was playing with it ever so gently. Daisuke was gasping for air and Ken was telling him that he was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. Ken was moving faster and faster and the only thing that Daisuke could think was how close he was. He was almost there. Ken knew it, he could taste it and he loved it more than anything. He gave one final thrust and Daisuke exploded, collapsing against him. Only, it wasn't against him. It was against the wall.  
  
Daisuke turned the taps off and stepped out of the shower. He coughed sharply, the only ventilation in the dark room being a small window placed high above his head. The room felt like it was spinning and he knew that if he didn't sit down very soon he was going to fall. Unsteadily he pulled on some boxers and made his way back to the living room. He stopped at his collection of photos and smiled. Ken smiled back at him. Daisuke pulled a cigarette out of a packet on a cupboard and sat in front of the wall. He lay down on the floorboards and stared upward at the beautiful face that looked happily back at him. Daisuke felt his eyelids closing and didn't bother to fight against it, his dreams were always much more pleasant than reality. He put out his cigarette and exhaled deeply, feeling himself slip into a much happier state of mind.  
  
Hikari extended her long black-gloved arm towards the doorway, knocking sharply exactly three times. Looking around the hall she rearranged her usual black outfit, the only break from the monotone being the bright pink 'Spite' scrawled across her chest and a butterfly of similar colour dangling from one of her ears. She could hear footsteps getting closer, stumbling roughly and muttering expletives as it went. Finally the door opened and Hikari couldn't stop the sad smile from flickering across her face, the way it always did when she visited Daisuke.  
  
"God, the way you were carrying on in there I thought you had company," she giggled nervously.  
  
No emotion crossed Daisuke's face, not even a slight movement in his pupils.  
  
"Yeah, I know. Sorry it was a bad joke. Can I come in?"  
  
Daisuke stepped away from the door and held his arm out, motioning her to go into his apartment. She brushed past him, trying hard to ignore the fact that the only thing covering Daisuke's manhood and the fresh air was a pair of red boxers pulled higher than they should be.  
  
"Take a seat," Daisuke mumbled, making a half-hearted effort to pull on a pair of leather pants before collapsing into the chair himself.  
  
Hikari sat, looking around the room anxiously as if she didn't know whether to tell him the things she knew.  
  
Daisuke sighed, "For christ's sake just tell me what you came here to say. Or would you rather pussyfoot around it for a while so I can offer you a drink and play proverbial foreplay? Would you prefer that?"  
  
Hikari shot him an icy glare, "Technically, what with you being gay and me preferring the company of women it wouldn't really work."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I guess I'm just a bitter alcoholic taking things out on whatever happens to trip through the door," Daisuke took out a cigarette, "You just happen to be the only thing so far this week."  
  
"Oh, Daisuke. I'm sorry. But, you know, you don't exactly portray an image of friendliness."  
  
Daisuke laughed, "So much for the Crest of Friendship, eh?"  
  
"Well you can't say the Crest of Light's done much for me either."  
  
"I suppose not," Daisuke scratched the back of his head, "So what is it you've come all this way to tell me about?"  
  
Hikari clenched her fists and visibly closed her eyes for several seconds, eventually opening them.  
  
"I know this is going to hit you really hard Daisuke. I don't want you to take it out on anybody, okay? You can't. Nothing can be changed now."  
  
Daisuke looked at the collection of photos on the wall and nodded slowly, crossing his fingers behind his back.  
  
"You remember back at Graduation how ... how Ken broke everything off all of a sudden?"  
  
He nodded slowly, hiding his eyes from her.   
  
Hikari watched him protectively, "Well, Miyako said that six months before that Ken had," she swallowed, "He had started dating Miyako when you two were still together."  
  
Daisuke blinked and made a choking sound, "What?" He felt sick. He knew what Hikari had said, he'd been hanging onto every word. He brought his hands up to cover his eyes and breathed sharply.  
  
Hikari felt sad just looking at him. She understood how much he loved Ken. For nearly half her life she'd watched the two together. If she didn't want to hurt Miyako she would have hurt Ken herself. But she couldn't. Instead she moved closer to Daisuke and gently tried to envelope him in a hug.  
  
He pushed her away roughly, her back hitting the wooden arm of the chair.  
  
"Go away!" He cried, "Get out of my house. I want to be alone."   
  
Hikari rubbed the spot where she'd hit her back, "Okay Daisuke. I'll go. Please don't do anything stupid, for your sake."  
  
Daisuke continued to hide his face in his hands.  
  
"I'm here if you need anything Daisuke. Please don't forget that. I'll see you later."  
  
The door banged loudly, signalling Hikari's departure, but Daisuke didn't hear it. The only thing replaying in his mind was the moment when Ken told him it was over. It had all been a lie. Every second. He'd never loved him in the way he said he had. No, he had. Daisuke knew he had. Those weren't the eyes of a liar. They never had been. He reached for the closest bottle he could reach. Bourbon. He had to do something. His eyes drifted over to the collection of photos hanging from the walls. Ken looked so happy in all of them. How much of his life was a lie? He jumped up from where he sat suddenly and launched himself at the wall, tearing at all the photos he could reach. They hung momentarily in the air before drifting to the ground, falling on top of Daisuke's sobbing frame.  
  
"How could he?" Daisuke's screams bounced off the walls, "How could he be so cruel?"  
  
Daisuke gasped for air as a hundred different scenes flashed through his head all at once. The room filled with the sound of Daisuke's desperate choking. He could see the very moment Ken had declared his love for Miyako. The moment his heart had shattered into a hundred tiny pieces in his hands and pierced his skin. Daisuke's head was spinning in every direction, he couldn't breathe. He reached upwards to the wall, but it was hopeless. Slowly he slid back down and collapsed, unable to cope with the world a moment longer.  
  
Daisuke's head was clouded in a blanket of darkness. Far, far away he could hear a phone ringing. It was an irritatingly high sound and Daisuke found himself opening his eyes to see the hard floor of his living room. He looked up to where his phone sat on a small table. He reached his arm up to the table and struggled to pull himself up to be level with it. His muscles ached terribly from his previous fall and he swore he could feel every single one straining with the effort. Then, just as his hand wrapped around the handset it stopped ringing.  
  
"Oh, fuck it!" he yelled in frustration, still only half aware of what was happening.  
  
Daisuke looked down onto the floor. He saw photos, photos of Ken. His head suddenly throbbed painfully and brought his hand up to touch the source. He pulled it away quickly when he found it sensitive and saw that his fingers were smeared in something that could only be blood. Suddenly he remembered what had happened and his eyes brimmed with tears.  
  
"Why Ken? Why did you have to do this to me?" Daisuke sobbed to himself, the sound echoing off the lonely walls. He stayed that way for a while, curled up into his knees and crying. Crying because it wasn't fair, because he knew Ken had to be putting himself through hell, because Daisuke still loved him ridiculously.  
  
He stopped himself after some time. He couldn't carry on like this anymore. He reached for the phone, strengthening himself. Daisuke put the handset to his ear, pressed some numbers and waited for the line to connect. He quickly put the phone down when he heard the first ring tone. No, he had to do this; there was just no other way. His eyes narrowed and he picked the phone back up.  
  
"Hello, Ken Ichijouji speaking," the voice on the other end of the phone answered.  
  
Daisuke felt his throat constrict with the sound of his voice talking to him.  
  
He swallowed and shook his head, "Meet me there in half an hour," He said softly before hanging up the phone.  
  
Daisuke knew Ken would know what he was talking about. When they were younger they had had a special meeting place in an alleyway behind a nightclub. Daisuke knew Ken would remember. Pulling on his shirt and picking up his long jacket, Daisuke threw it around his shoulders and put a few things he thought he might need in the pockets. Finding his keys he stormed out of his apartment and headed towards the centre of town.  
  
The alleyway was dark when Daisuke arrived, but he could still make out Ken's figure standing slumped against a wall. Music pulsated from the nearby club and distant enthusiastic voices could be heard on the cool night air. Ken glanced over at Daisuke and immediately returned his gaze to the ground. Daisuke didn't rush to greet him either. Slowly, step-by-step, he closed the distance between them. Finally they stood face to face. He had no idea what he was going to say, only that if he didn't do it now he never would. Ken smiled gently at him, avoiding looking directly into his eyes.  
  
Daisuke could feel his heart melting, the way it always did when he watched him, but he wouldn't allow himself to get like this. No, he had to say the things he needed to.  
  
"I saw Hikari today," He said quietly, barely audible to the other boy, "She told me your secret about you and Miyako."   
  
Ken's eyes opened in shock, "Sh .. she did what?"  
  
Daisuke ignored his question and continued, "How could you Ken? How could you do something like that to me? What happened to the promise you made to me?"  
  
Daisuke grabbed his collar and dragged him closer, bringing his face so close to his that he could smell his breath.  
  
"Daisuke, it wasn't your fault. It was mine," He looked defeated, "I'm sorry."  
  
"You're sorry?!? All these years I've wondered what happened, and suddenly I find out that you were fucking that bitch behind my back. You're a fool Ken. A stupid fucking fool."  
  
Daisuke pushed him away, watching as he fell to the ground.   
  
Ken struggled upright, feeling his anger growing, "Well what the hell was I supposed to do?"  
  
Daisuke walked up to him and kicked him in the head, "Don't be an idiot, you know. You've always known."  
  
Ken flew backwards and landed against some garbage cans. He wiped the trickle of blood that had appeared at his mouth, "I tried to tell you. I tried to contact you. Fuck! I even tried to make you see, but you wouldn't listen."  
  
He ran up to Daisuke and punched him in the stomach, "You would never fucking listen to me!"  
  
Daisuke doubled over in pain, "I always listened, you're the one who always called me stupid."  
  
He hurled himself at the taller boy, his head landing roughly on his chest. Ken fell backwards, dragging Daisuke down on top of him. Daisuke could see that Ken's eyes were moist. His features softened for a moment before they turned back to coldness.  
  
"You had to agree with everyone and you always called me stupid. I'm not stupid Ken. I'm not," He grabbed his hair and started smashing his head into the cement, "I loved you more than you could ever imagine and the only thing you gave me in return was pain."  
  
Daisuke could hear Ken's sobs. He stopped. He couldn't do this to him. No. Ken whimpered for a moment while Daisuke sat staring blankly at the asphalt. He pulled out a cigarette. Why had everything in his life got so fucked up? First his parents abandoned him because they thought he was a failure, then Ken, and then all of his friends had left him for dead. It seemed the only thing that he'd ever got somewhat right was his career - but it wasn't like he did much now anyway. His life was pretty much worthless, to everyone.   
  
Ken suddenly got up, swaying for a moment before dragging Daisuke to his feet by his collar. He cocked his head to one side sadly before smashing him into a light post. Daisuke's body fell limp in Ken's hand, his cigarette falling from his fingers. A trickle of blood trailed down his neck.  
  
"I don't know why you even have to exist Daisuke," Ken whispered, "All of this torture you put me through and still I don't let myself have you."   
  
Ken fell to his knees, hiding his face in his hands, "You don't even know a thing."  
  
Daisuke coughed, blood spitting out of his mouth and landing amongst the grit, "I knew exactly what was going on Ken. I always have," Daisuke stood warily, "Look at me Ken," He walked towards Ken, "Look at me dammit!" He yelled, pulling him to his feet by his hair. Ken cowered slightly.  
  
"Why don't you believe me," He spat in Ken's face, allowing his voice to echo off the walls and his blood to splatter across his skin.  
  
Ken closed his eyes in an attempt to block out the situation, but Daisuke wouldn't allow it. Taking his fist he punched Ken, his lip instantly swelling as he fell back onto the asphalt.  
  
Daisuke took the handcuffs he'd put in his pocket earlier and locked Ken's wrists into them.  
  
"Come home with me, please?" He pleaded with Ken, his face covered in trails of dark red blood. Ken nodded half-heartedly, barely able to support his head as he was helped to his feet. Daisuke took out a blindfold from another pocket and wrapped it around Ken's eyes, careful not to hurt him any more than he already had. He couldn't let Ken find out where he lived, he didn't want to have to move again. He enclosed his arms around Ken and pulled him in the direction of his apartment.  
  
When they had arrived Daisuke took the blindfold off, but left the handcuffs where they were. Ken blinked several times before looking around the room he was in. His confused gaze led him to the floor where he saw his face mirrored back at him hundreds of times. Daisuke smiled, proud of his work, before pushing Ken up against the wall, his body slapping against the paintwork. He forced his lips onto his, working his tongue into his mouth. He didn't have to fight that hard. Ken suddenly bit his lip, hard, and Daisuke pulled back instinctively.  
  
He walked from the room defeated and came back quickly with a damp towel. He sat Ken down on the floor and wiped the blood from his pearly skin. Ken, hands still bound behind his back looked at Daisuke from the corner of his eye, "Why .. why Daisuke?" Ken whispered.  
  
Daisuke stopped what he was doing and frowned, "You know why Ken. You know the reason why I brought you here." Ken still had a look of puzzlement on his face, "You left me. You left me and I've never been able to get over it. And now, today, Hikari comes and tells me you'd been doing it all along," He paused, "I've come to show you just what you've done to me, I suppose."  
  
Ken cast his eyes downward, "I'm ... I'm sorry Daisuke-chan. I didn't mean for any of it to happen," Ken averted his gaze from Daisuke, obviously showing that he was lying, "It was my parents they..."  
  
"Don't give me that shit Ken," Daisuke got up and walked away from him, "You just didn't feel normal when you were lying in bed on top of another man. That was it, wasn't it?" Ken's face drained of colour, "You're a liar and a fool Ken."  
  
Ken looked down at the photos of himself, "I never was gay Daisuke," He uttered, more to himself than anyone else.  
  
Daisuke spat at his feet, "Oh, right, nobody believes that Ken, not even you. Fuck you Ken. Just, fuck you."  
  
Daisuke grabbed the towel and went back into the room he had disappeared into earlier. Shortly after he came back holding a gun. He kissed it innocently before bringing it before Ken's face. "You hurt me, you hurt me so fucking much and now my life is ruined. I ought to do the same to yours," He suddenly lowered the gun, "But unlike you I have a heart. Otherwise I would've killed you in the alley."  
  
Ken's pulse was racing, beads of sweat were trickling down his face, "You're insane," He started, before allowing the room to fall silent.   
  
"What do you want with me anyway Daisuke?" He said finally, after several minutes had passed.  
  
Daisuke took off his jacket, "Why to relive some of those old times, of course. Make you realise just what you're missing."  
  
"I'm not coming back to you Daisuke, I grew out of that phase a long time ago."  
  
Daisuke stopped him short, "Ah, ah, ah. You're lying again Ken. You really ought to think about what you're saying before you throw it into my face."  
  
Daisuke turned Ken around to face the wall and undid the handcuffs. He was confident Ken wouldn't try to get away now.  
  
"Care for a drink?" He asked, pouring himself one and downing it in a single gulp and shudder.  
  
Ken looked away in disapproval, "No, no thankyou. I'd much rather go home to Miyako."  
  
"Oh, yes, your little slut. How ironic that I could have been the same thing for you, if only you'd realised who was really right for you," He motioned for Ken to sit, "Why don't you take a seat?"  
  
Ken shook his head, "I really ought to be going Daisuke .. maybe another time?"  
  
Daisuke shook his head sharply and sat Ken down on the couch, sitting as close as he possibly could next to him.   
  
"Now, how about a little home movie?"  
  
He didn't wait for a reply, but pressed play on a remote. The screen instantly burst into the colours of Daisuke's old bedroom. A younger Ken was sitting on the bed in only his underwear, blushing ferociously.  
  
"Hello, sir. Would you mind telling me your name?" Daisuke's voice cut in.   
  
Ken giggled, "My name's Ken Ichijouji."  
  
"I see, and how old are you?"   
  
"I'm fifteen, mister camera man sir."   
  
"Ahh," Daisuke paused for a moment, "And what would your relationship status be?"  
  
Ken smiled, "Happily taken, of course."   
  
"Oh, that's great. So what are some of your favourite things?"   
  
Ken paused for a moment, appearing to be deep in thought. Finally he beamed up at the camera as it moved in for a close-up, "Daisuke Motomiya is my favourite everything!"  
  
The younger Daisuke suddenly ran in front of the camera, his underwear flashing onto the screen as he jumped onto the bed next to Ken, "I love you Ken-chan," He whispered into his ear.  
  
Ken's answer was muffled as Daisuke took his mouth in his and pulled the boy on top of him.  
  
Two pairs of underwear were soon discarded onto the floor. The present Daisuke glanced at Ken from the corner of his eye and saw his eyes glistening, moist with tears. He watched his face as it tried not to show the pain he was obviously feeling. In the background he heard a younger Daisuke bringing Ken to a screaming orgasm. He'd watched the tape millions of times before, but watching it with Ken in the room and seeing him as he was now made his heart soften slightly.  
  
The tape came to an end and Daisuke turned it off. He leant back against the cushion and stared at the roof, for lack of anything better to do. Ken was sniffling quietly to himself.  
  
'Maybe,' Daisuke thought, 'Maybe Ken really does love me as much as I thought he did. Maybe it really was his parents, like he said.' His thoughts were cut short when Ken grabbed him around the waist and pulled himself on top of him. He kissed him then, passionately, as if he had planned to do it all along. Daisuke's muffled words made him stop for a second.  
  
"Why Ken?" He repeated himself, gasping for air.   
  
A sad smile crept onto Ken's face, "You're right Daisuke, it was always you."   
  
Daisuke let his overwhelming emotions hide themselves in Ken's chest as his arms held to him tightly.   
  
"Do you really mean that?" Daisuke asked, looking up into Ken's eyes.  
  
Ken nodded.  
  
With that declaration Daisuke stood up, holding Ken upright as well. Ken looked at him strangely for a moment before Daisuke picked him up in his arms and carried him to his bedroom. He dropped Ken lightly onto the bed and took his jacket off before bringing himself down on top of him.  
  
"Just like old times, eh?" He giggled at Daisuke.  
  
Daisuke smiled, "Yeah, only this time there's no video camera."   
  
Ken started to sit upright, but Daisuke pushed him back down with another searing kiss, allowing his hand to roam up under Ken's shirt to massage his left nipple. Daisuke's other hand entwined with Ken's as their lips explored each other's faces. Ken pulled away for a moment to allow Daisuke to pull his shirt up over his head for him. With the limited light streaming through the window Daisuke thought that Ken's skin looked even more beautiful against the white sheets. Ken cut his thoughts short for a second time by running his hands up the back of his spine. Daisuke shivered and lifted his arms above his head, allowing Ken to slowly take his shirt off his body. He fell into him, allowing their bare chests to rub against each other as Ken's tongue battled with Daisuke's own. Ken moved behind him then, Daisuke trying to follow but being held in place by Ken's hands on his hips. His mouth moved to Daisuke's ear and softly he murmured to him how much he'd missed being intimate with him.   
  
Daisuke licked his lips and felt his arousal growing. Ken sensed it too and carefully undid the top button of Daisuke's leather pants. Daisuke lent his head against Ken's shoulder and felt himself grow dizzy as Ken pulled down the zip. He guided Ken's hands down his thighs and made sure that his pants, as well as his boxers, trailed with them. Standing naked now he turned back to Ken, showing him just how aroused he had made him. Ken blushed slightly and ran his tongue down Daisuke's chest to bite teasingly at his nipples. Daisuke moaned slightly and didn't struggle against Ken when he pushed his body down on top of him to force him to lie down. He held him closely then, his arms wrapped around his back so tightly that he swore he heard Ken struggling to take in air. Daisuke brought one of his hands down to the fastening on Ken's pants and undid it clumsily, not stopping Ken from helping him to free him of his pants as quickly as possible. Now, both boys lying naked, Ken dragged his body slowly down Daisuke's torso, licking his tanned skin until he reached the object of his desire. Daisuke pushed his head down onto his arousal, Ken's tongue wrapping around it while smiling wickedly.  
  
"K .. Ken," Daisuke mouthed his voice catching in his throat and making a choking sound. Ken pulled his mouth away from Daisuke's penis and looked at him innocently.  
  
"Do you want me to stop?" He questioned him, raising an eyebrow.   
  
Daisuke swallowed visibly, "N .. n .. no," He stuttered out, caught in the middle of arousal.  
  
Ken grinned, "I didn't think so," He ran a finger up Daisuke's length and got up from the bed, his naked body striding out of the room.  
  
Daisuke exhaled sharply, where the hell was he going? How could he leave him like this? He sighed with relief when Ken walked back through the door carrying something in his hands.  
  
Ken straddled him then, locking his body into place with his knees on either side of his hips. He raised Daisuke's arms above his head and used the handcuffs he'd brought back with him to bind the boy to the wrought iron railing on the bed.  
  
Daisuke looked at Ken smugly, "So you're still into this stuff, are you?"  
  
"Oh, only with you Daisuke," Ken breathed in reply, "You're the only one who can do this to me."  
  
Daisuke didn't struggle against the restraints and closed his eyes instead as Ken went back to sucking his length. His fingernails drew blood as he dragged them down Daisuke's chest and he shuddered underneath his touch. Ken bit at him softly, trying to make more sounds leave Daisuke's vocal cords. He wasn't disappointed. Soft murmurs of pleasure slipped out of Daisuke lips as he thrust himself deeper into Ken's open mouth. Ken felt his throat gagging, barely audible to the other boy who was completely lost in his own arousal. Daisuke's body tensed and then thick moisture filled Ken's mouth, the fluid running out of his mouth and down his bare chest.  
  
Daisuke gasped Ken's name and shivered, having released his built up pleasure. He looked down at Ken deliriously.   
  
Ken stopped stroking Daisuke then, allowing his fingers to work its way up his shaft before taking the sensation away completely. Daisuke groaned in protest, but soon stopped when Ken started to push his own arousal into his mouth. Ken held onto the railing with one hand for support, lacing his fingers with Daisuke's, while his other wrapped itself in his hair. Carefully he pressed forward deep down into Daisuke's open throat. His head arched back involuntarily with the feeling of his teeth brushing roughly against his hardened member. Daisuke swirled his tongue around the intruder and held on to it fast, trying hard not to choke himself. Tears welled at the corner of his eyes with the effort but still he continued, delighting in the slightly blushing face staring giddily back down at him.  
  
Ken withdrew unexpectedly and kissed his gaping mouth. He heard a nearby drawer open and a hand rustling in the contents, finally stopping when it found what it was looking for.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll be gentle," Ken said into Daisuke's ear, causing his hair to prick up at the back of his neck.  
  
Daisuke nodded slowly and watched Ken kiss his way down his body. He shifted his gaze to the shadows on the roof as he felt Ken's finger, smothered in lubricant, find its way into his entrance. His lips quivered with the feeling of Ken exploring him warily, just as he had always done.  
  
"K .. Keeenn.." Daisuke stammered out thickly, finding himself out of breath.  
  
Ken knew he was being a tease and gave in to the cute noises Daisuke was making. He positioned himself in front of Daisuke and carefully guided his erection into the boy, thrilled at the sounds escaping his throat. One of Ken's hands held tight onto Daisuke's member and he moved in time with his thrusts, slow at first. Daisuke revolted against the handcuffs, forming small lacerations that oozed with blood. He felt Ken's body move faster against him, making him do the same despite the restraints he was in. Ken watched Daisuke's face twitch with the sensations, his eyes closed. His arousal mounting, Ken started to blink unwillingly and let go of Daisuke's own arousal to dig his fingernails into his shoulder.  
  
"Dai-chan," He puffed, lurching forward to meet Daisuke's own torso, coated in sweat.  
  
Daisuke opened his eyes to gaze at Ken lazily who was convulsing against his skin. Finally Ken's eyes rolled back into his head and his nails dug harder into Daisuke's skin. Daisuke felt something explode inside of him, a warm wetness filling his core. Daisuke found his own head becoming light and allowed his own orgasm to shatter against Ken's stomach. Ken collapsed on top of him then, withdrawing himself from Daisuke's body and lying tiredly on his chest.   
  
He stayed there for several moments before remembering that Daisuke was there. Slowly he stood up and undid the handcuffs looking at the drying blood caked up on his skin. He took one of his wrists in his hand and kissed it tenderly, running his tongue across the metallic tasting substance. Daisuke wrapped his other arm around Ken and forced him to lie back down on top of him.  
  
"Ken, I..." A single finger placed on his lips hushed Daisuke.  
  
"Don't say a word," Ken smiled. He kissed Daisuke then, reluctantly pulling away from the boy.  
  
"I love you," Daisuke murmured.  
  
Ken mumbled something quietly to himself and cuddled up to Daisuke's chest, wrapping his arms around the boy.  
  
"Goodnight," He said, closing his eyes and grinning silently to himself.  
  
Daisuke woke, rubbing his eyes and looked down to see that he was naked. His eyes travelled to the morning light streaming through the window and suddenly he remembered what had happened last night.  
  
"Shit, where's Ken?" He said aloud to himself.   
  
He wrapped a sheet around his body and stumbled out of bed, tripping on a discarded shoe. Quickly he rushed from room to room to see if Ken was there. He wasn't. Daisuke fell to his knees and slammed his fist into the floorboards. His wrists were still covered in blood.   
  
"Why Ken?" He yelled into the emptiness, "Why the fuck do you have to be like this?"  
  
He picked up the photos of Ken and ripped them to shreds, tears falling from his cheeks onto the back of his hands. He sobbed loudly and cried out in frustration.   
  
"Why Ken?" He repeated himself, "Why can't you follow what you feel? Why do you have to put both of us through this pain?"  
  
Daisuke stood, falling straight back over onto the table of alcohol. Bottles fell to the floor, shattering into a million tiny pieces. Daisuke didn't care anymore. He laughed crazily, unable to feel the extreme amount of pain his heart felt. He laughed and stood, standing directly on the shards of glass and smiling. He jumped up and down on top of them, not caring how far they stuck into his skin. It didn't matter anymore.  
  
He stopped after a while and sat down in them, his body shivering as he cried and gasped for breath.  
  
He knew there was only one way things would ever be right. He knew what had to happen. He couldn't believe it had come to this. He stood up again and found his jacket. He put it on carefully and looked around the floor for his gun. Puzzled that he couldn't find it, he wiped the tears from his eyes and walked out the door, leaving it wide open.  
  
The streets were getting busy as they usually did at this time as people rushed to get to work. Daisuke knew that was where Ken was heading. He hurried to catch up with him, his feet still bleeding from the glass sticking into the soles of his feet. He didn't feel the pain. His heart was aching and his mind was racing. Tears still filled his eyes and as much as he tried to stop them they poured out of his ducts.  
  
Finally he saw Ken buying coffee. He shook himself and wiped the tears from his eyes before rushing over to him.   
  
He came face to face with him in the middle of an intersection, four roads leading off in different directions.  
  
Ken stopped, his Styrofoam cup spilling onto the asphalt, "Dai .. Daisuke?"  
  
Daisuke looked a mess, his feet and hands were covered in blood and his hair was dishevelled. He looked sadly up at Ken, tears still falling from his eyes.  
  
"If you really can't be with me..." He stammered, "If you really can't ever truly be with me. No matter how much you love me..." Daisuke gasped, "You'll have to kill me."  
  
Ken's eyes opened wide but his mouth refused to form words.  
  
Daisuke walked up to him and grabbed the collar of his shirt, "I mean it!" He yelled, "If you can't ever be with me you have to kill me."  
  
People had started to stop in the streets to stare. Others had gotten out of their cars to see what the commotion was about.  
  
Ken and Daisuke ignored them, too enveloped in their own drama to care about who was watching. Ken opened his mouth to say something, but still he couldn't find the right words to say what he wanted to.  
  
Daisuke fell to his knees, "You have to do it Ken. It's the only way," Tears fell onto Ken's boots, "The only way."  
  
Ken nodded, his own eyes growing glassy. He walked away from Daisuke and turned back to face him.  
  
"I love you Daisuke," He said quietly, taking Daisuke's gun out of his own pocket and extending it towards his chest.  
  
Daisuke clenched his eyes shut tight, breathing deeply for the last time.  
  
Ken's hand shook as he loaded the gun.  
  
"Do it," Daisuke muttered forcefully, eyes still shut.  
  
Suddenly a loud bang echoed off the buildings. Blood poured out from the very organ in Daisuke's body that Ken had caused so much pain to. His heart. Daisuke's figure fell limply to the ground, a pool of blood forming in the middle of the street. Ken dropped to his knees in shock, the gun falling from his hand. People around him were screaming and running away from the scene. Great sobs escaped Ken's throat, tears of sadness poured from his eyes. It was the only thing he could've done. There was just no other way. 


End file.
